At Aiding and Abetting: law, an accomplice is a person who actively participates in the commission of a crime, even though they take no part in the actual criminal offense.
I took a spin class this morning and it was very tough but at the same time the best class I have taken in a while. The teacher taught us how to listen to our bodies while also challenging ourselves to push past our own personal fitness levels. As we finished one set and were about to cool down to prepare for the next my eyes caught a female that was in the back of the class. I suddenly caught myself in the middle of an all-out stare. This girl was EXTREMELY skinny and what I would call anorexic. Actually, there is no doubt in my mind that she is what doctors would call anorexic. She was not one of those girls that is just tall and no matter what she eats is thin, she definitely worked at this. Her face was all drawn in and her arms and legs were thinner than Brookes. I am not exaggerating. She wore a sweatshirt with at least two shirts underneath and sweatpants.
So she caught me in this stare which forced me to make sure I didn't look back again. Even though I wasn't looking I couldn't get it out of my head that here she was working soooo hard to lose more or stay in the shape that she was in. During this class the instructor was one that walked around and assisted rather than bike herself. She verbally instructed us on what we should be feeling and when we should be pushing harder. I would take sneak peaks through the mirror to see how and if the instructor was maybe concerned in any way. She too seemed to keep an eye on the girl and kept asking her if she was okay.
Now this is my question/concern/thought...I feel that when you are teaching a class, any class, that you are responsible for the students in the class. You are setting an example. When the class was winding down the girl got off her bike before any of the stretching and left. She said, "thank you so much-that was great" to the instructor. The instructor looked down and made a small "thank you" grin but did not(i'm thinking could not) look at the girl. When she passed the instructor the instructor looked up and watched her walk out the door. Do you think there should be any type of policy that someone that is not "fit" to take the class should be told so? I know this is a fine and shady line but I feel like the gym and the teacher of the class are all contributing to this girls problem. The real problem is you are not really allowed to say anything...what would they say? Could they say anything? How and what would they say? I feel that the instructor was visibly disturbed by the fact that this student was in her class. But what do you do?
8 comments:
That's a tough one ! I do agree a teacher is responsible, but to what extent? Obviously the girl is an adult and has a right to do as she sees fit (no pun intended). I think the instructor is definitely put in an awkward situation but if the girl was not in immediate danger the responsibilty it not, nor should be hers? I think the girls family are the responsible ones here, they should be seeking help for her. She can always come follow my diet and I'd beef her up real quick !!
A couple thoughts popped into my head while reading this... one, you don't know for sure she is anorexic... two, would you say something if there was an obese person in the class? as that person would be considered to others as having an eating disorder of some sort and may not be considered as "fit" for the class.
If the teacher taught "how to listen to our bodies while also challenging ourselves to push past our own personal fitness levels", well each person has their own fitness level...
The instructor did what she felt comfortable doing, not saying anything. Would you consider yourself the one "abetting" or were you suggesting the instructor was... Because if it was you, what did you do? Tough situation...
On a side note... if you were looking at other people you weren't pedaling hard enough... haha, jk.
Maria. I would bet my life savings she was anorexic or had some type of eating disorder. There was no way in hell she was just that thin. You could see her bones. Also, they do say to overly obese people in the classes to take it easy. I have been in a class before where they told one guy to keep his hr down to a certain amount and slowly he will be able to bring it up. I don't know, I think if I was teaching the class and have been doing it for a while, I would maybe say to her something like she should take it easier...something to that nature. I just feel so many people turn their heads to people having a difficult time and you never know if you would be the person that would be able to help.
Terri- Yes, I think family also should be responsible . I do feel that at some point she is being put in danger...what happens if she does pass out (that actually happened in the other class i took)...I don't know I guess it isn't the instructors responsibility but I guess I wish someone would speak up and try to help her...
Unfortunately you have to let people live their lives and make their own mistakes. You can't tell adults in their own homes not to smoke or drink or eat greasy cheeseburgers or when to have lunch and how to diet or if they are running to fast or too slow or too little or too much even when you know these things are bad for them. None of those things are illegal and while anorexia is a disease and we know it's probably not healthy for that girl to be taking that spin class with 7 sweatshirts on she's not breaking any laws by doing so. You really have no say in the matter. Besides even if the teacher said someting like "i don't think you should be taking this class' you know that girl would leave and would be outside running on the street for 3 hours. The best thing we can do in this instance is help people that want to be helped, teach our babies to have positive body images, lead by example, support your friends and family and try and encourage that girl in a non "in your face" way. Anything else would be ineffective and a way overstep of boundaries. Besides anorexia isnt about being thin so much as it is about having control over your life and self. By having that teacher tell that girl she can't take the class what does that do to help her with her not being in control of her life and needing to act out to assert control? KWIM?
If you really want to help out in spin class can you make the blond lady stop obsessing over her wedding song in every class??? Boring!!!!!
Chrissy very well said and written..I think you take after the raving mute with your writing! I guess I just feel bad...and wish I could help...it was upsetting to see. 2 things...1 what does KWIM mean? does it mean...know what i mean? lol...just got it i think. And second...The blonde lady that talks about her wedding IS very annoying. She wasn't the one that did this class...it was the one with short hair...a bit older and did that triathlon or something...You took a class with her before.
Ugh. Really tough situation. I feel bad for the instructor.
I think if I were the instructor, I might try to speak to that woman privately. I don't think I would confront her in front of other people. I don't think that would be effective, and its probably against the gym policy.
I think Lif is right that you can't outlaw people from doing things that are bad for them. (Unfortunately). Whether its an anorexic killing herself in the gym, or a smoker killing themselves with a cig, or a drinker with a drink and a car, or an obese person with a Big Mac. The only thing you can really control is your own behavior.
But I think you were also making a point about what it means to be compassionate and caring. I think that's a really good thing, and very important. That's why if I was the instructor, I would maybe try to just reach out and be friendly with the girl, rather than going to her directly and saying "You should not take my class."
And I think that's why help doesn't happen as often. It takes a lot more work to befriend someone than to lay down a rule. Also, it is VERY hard to maintain a relationship with someone who is always making the choice to hurt themselves, because its so frustrating and it makes you feel helpless and angry, too.
You know how they say addicts have to hit bottom before they are ready to help themselves? I believe that's true. But its probably also hell for that girls' family and friends to watch her spiral down to her personal bottom. I bet they've tried to help her and it just hasn't worked yet.
So I guess in the end, I think the best thing a person can do in that situation is be kind. I don't think that's aiding and abetting -- I think that's just recognizign the limits of the situation and being compassionate.
Very thought-provoking post, Annette!
Marie you also make a lot of good points. It is exactly what I meant when I was saying I may say somthing. I think my gut tells me someone should help or at least try to help. Sometimes I feel that is all another person needs...
Made some good points about the burger king and the smoking and the drinking. Love these kind of posts and love blogging to hear everyones point of view!
Except I was wrong about the drink and the car thing... that is outlawed, isn't it? :D Whoops!
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